Some people are special angels sent into your life to care for you. Nancy was our angel. We had just moved to the Lancaster area. We were broke. We drove a clunker. We had just started new jobs with a new company. We couldn’t afford to NOT get to work. She instinctively knew this. She had barely met us and offered the use of her brand new car until we could get our clunker putting along again. She knew that we were far away from our families and opened her heart and home to us. She incorporated us into her beautiful family.
I can’t get past a holiday without warm memories of good times spent with her. She made an event of everything everyday! Everything she did was an expression of pure love and joy. When you were in her presence, you felt special.
She gave me these plates one day just because I admired them. She loved the plates, but she loved me more. Knowing this makes it difficult to let go of these plates.
“Just for today be humble.”
I am grateful that Nancy walked with me in this life. Her physical existence was cut far too short by ovarian cancer. Her love and generosity live on in all who she touched and will remain unforgettable.
One ‘I used to look sexy in this shirt’ and seven pairs of pants ranging from size 6 to size ‘OMG I can’t believe I am fatter than that’ is what I photographed yesterday afternoon. Boring stuff! The photographs were blech. The Reiki was uneventful, so it seemed.
What could I possibly write about? One question remained unanswered. Why had I held on for so very long to pants of various sizes that didn’t fit? I obviously live in a world of possibility, and it is certainly possible that I could lose weight and wear them once again. It is also possible that pigs will fly!
Then I realized why I kept the pants wasn’t as important as the effect keeping them had on me.
“Just for today, do not anger” is one of the Reiki precepts that I try to incorporate into my daily life. My pants violated this precept. My pants made me angry. Angry that I was not what I used to be, angry that I was getting old, angry that I can’t muster the discipline to eat less, angry at my irradiated thyroid and angry at my herniated vertebrae.
Boy oh boy, I really had no idea that my pants of the past caused me to anger. I thought that they were an incentive, a positive to goal towards!
I see now that living in past pants stops me from enjoying today’s happy dance.
Last night at Reiki we discussed Wabi-Sabi, the beauty in imperfection and loving gentle wear.
I quite disliked our window air conditioner. Despite repair work it never functioned properly. It loudly and frequently shut down its compressor with an annoying room shaking thump that got on my nerves. It may have been less than an accident when it slipped from my hand as we removed it from our window LAST season, as in the last past not the recently past last season! Not to be forgotten, its sharp metal casing left its mark by slicing my hand in the plummet. It has since remained in the yard taunting me with my own laziness and procrastination. Everyday I would look out and feel sad that my yard looked so unloved, and it stared back at me in confirmation. So, there is no love lost today as I pay the upcharge to BFI to remove its toxic gas and tote it far, far away. Why did I wait so long?
Lesson learned: In my imperfection I see that the ‘not doing’ is sometimes more painful than the ‘doing’! Perhaps the faint scar on my hand will serve as a loving reminder.
When my daughter and her family moved in with us for 18 months, I was delighted. She had just given birth to my beautiful granddaughter and I cried to think that she lived too far away for me to revel in grandmother-hood! So we rearranged our home and opened our hearts to a love that cannot be expressed in words. For 18 months we tripped over each other’s stuff, and I loved every minute!
So why now that they have been gone for over 15 months, am I still tripping??? To some extent I attach emotion to things. Maybe if I get rid of their things, I am discarding them? Maybe I was left too exhausted to physically deal with the process? Or, maybe with their belongings out of the way I will have to deal with mine!
Two bins of baby clothes “returned to sender”. Jakikiri Joka Ho
I have thought long and hard about beginning this photo adventure. I have thought about all of the physical and psychological reasons behind my accumulation of material clutter. I have imagined all of the stories that you may have to share with me. Yet I find it odd that today as I post my first finished image, I am without words………
………Moving forward with faith in 2012, and wishing everyone a LIGHTER New Year 🙂